got Jesus?

 
 

The Bible: He wrote it - we quote it! Why quote others?

Bees gather honey from a lot of flowers so speakers need to gather nectar from a lot of sources

If you haven’t struck oil in the first three minutes, stop boring – George Jessel

The man who never reads will never be read; he who never quotes will never be quoted. He who will not use the thoughts of other men’s brains, proves that he has no brains of his own – Charles Spurgeon

 

 

E-Clips . . . quotes gathered through
three decades of Kris’ reading and study

updated 1/1/15

M

MARRIAGE

Social policy throughout the United States has evolved from the conviction that unions between men and women bring forth welcome fruits, primarily the children who become citizen-successors and provide for the continuation of the state. In terms of civil status, such a union is - and is called - marriage. A marriage has derivative rights and responsibilities, including child care - Bill Buckley

Guy said he had bad luck in both of his marriages - my first wife left me and my second wife won’t!

The mass media has made a market for marital mediocrity

Married partners may differ in idiosyncrasies but must be the same in ideals

I knew I married Miss Right; I just didn’t know that her first name was Always!

Lady said when she finds Mr. Right her husband always does something to run him off

The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you.  Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" The room got really quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes," replied the teacher. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

A robber demands your money or your life; a wife demands both

Don’t marry the whole girl if you are only in love with a dimple

The married person who can’t change their mate may want to exchange their mate

RED SKELTON'S TIPS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.  She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas
3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.  'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake." 
8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!" 
Red Skelton

Marriage is for better or for worse - he can’t do better and she can’t do worse

My wife and I never go to bed mad...we haven’t slept now in three months

They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet - Mae West

If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws

Car Manufacturer's formula for a successful marriage: Stick to one model!

Boy asked his Dad if it were true that in some places in Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her. Dad replied, “That happens in every country, son”

Marriage is like a pair of shears oft times working in opposite directions, but punishing anyone that comes between them - Sydney Smith

The cure for love is marriage, and the cure for marriage is love again

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts - Jeff Foxworthy

To have a good marriage you need a wife that is blind and a husband that is deaf

“But I just can’t trust his judgment or decisions!” - well, look who he decided on for a wife

Guy couldn’t find his wife in the shopping center. Getting a bit worried he grabbed a nice looking worker and said, “Talk to me a little while”. “Why?” asked the lady. “Because anytime I start talking to a nice looking lady my wife immediately shows up!”

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?" The boy answered immediately, “Sixteen." "How do you know that?' 'All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said: ‘4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”

Jennifer visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news: "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt - prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked: "Will I be acquitted?"

Young man said he’d been asked to get married lots of times - Mom and Dad had asked him to get married, lots of times

Only love...can keep wedding bells from turning into tolling bells that announce the death of the home - R.G. Lee

Love is blind - marriage is an eye-opener!

Marriage is made in Heaven - so is thunder and lightning

Though George Washington commanded the forces of the United States, Mary Washington commanded George - R.G. Lee

Do you know why grooms never get a shower - ‘cause they are washed up for life

The first thing a girl wants to pick from the garden of love is a carat

The husband who wants a happy marriage needs to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open - Groucho Marx

She confided to her minister that she was not sure she could make it all the way down the aisle without shaking or crying. So the minister, a seasoned veteran of weddings, gave her a bit of advice. "When you begin your walk," he said, "just remember this three-point formula: First, look straight down the aisle; second, when you get about half-way, look straight up at the altar; and third, when you get near the front of the church, look straight at your groom. First the aisle, then the altar, then him. I think this will help relieve your nervousness." The trembling bride agreed to try his advice. And it worked beautifully. She walked with a radiant glow on her face and poise and confidence in her step, with no sign of nervousness. However, there was on small problem. Imagine the surprisof the congregation as they heard her rhythmically repeating three words over and over s she preformed her bridal walk, "Aisle, altar, him!" "Aisle, altar, him!" Well, the truth is, most brides don't have a lot of luck in altering their husbands. But the good news of the Christian faith is that God can alter us - James W. Moore,

Ruth Bell Graham - “Marriage is a union of two forgivers”. She was asked if she had ever considered divorce. “No, I’ve considered murder, but never divorce”

What’s your wife’s favorite flower? - I think it’s Pillsbury Gold Select

Many think that tying the marriage knot is just a slipknot

When they can’t change each other they want to exchange each other. They want more money and a new honey, a new house and a new spouse

My wife sees me as her main consultant. She said that if she ever needed my advice she would ask for it

Guy walked out on his wife. How did she take it - “Amazing, you can live with a woman for 20 years and not know what talents she has; she sang and did cartwheels at the same time”

If love is a dream then marriage is the alarm clock

Marriage is like flies on a screen door - those on the outside want in and those on the inside want out

Husband - “In the 16 years we’ve been married, we haven’t been able to agree on a single things”. Wife - “It’s been 17”

The guy who is always “busy as a bee” may one day awaken to discover that someone else has swiped his honey

I married him for better or for worse. I never dreamed he would just stay the same

Babies are rivets that hold marriages together

Couples that stop dreaming together start drifting apart - Burke Hedges

Adam and Eve had the perfect marriage - he didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn’t have to hear about how great a cook his Mom was

A man, returning from a business trip, was met at the airport by his wife. They walked from the gate together and were standing waiting for the baggage to be unloaded. An extremely attractive stewardess walked by. Suddenly, the man came to life. Beaming, he said to the stewardess, "I hope we can fly together again, Miss Jones." On the way home his grew suspicious, "How come you knew the name of that stewardess?" she asked. The man replied smoothly, "You see, my dear, her name was posted right up front in the plane, under the names of the pilot and co-pilot." To which the wife replied, "Okay, now give me the names of the pilot and co-pilot."

If you have half a mind to get married, go ahead, that’s all it takes

You can’t have happiness in marriage if you don’t carry happiness into marriage - John Hagee

You have to go through drivers ed., tests, etc to get a license to drive. Think of what you have to do to get a license to fly airplanes or to be a doctor. But all it takes to get a marriage license is for two people to be able to find the courthouse door

Guy going 70 in a 45-zone gets pulled over. Trooper asks if he always drives like that. He denies, but his wife injects that she always tells him to slow down but still he drives like that. Officer said he saw the driver put on his seatbelt while he was walking up to the window. “No, I always wear my seatbelt”, said the man. “No he doesn’t, I always tell him to wear his belt”, said the wife. Woman would you just shut up for once! Trooper goes to woman’s window. “Does he always talk to you like that?” “No”, she answered, “only when he’s been drinking”.

“I thought you said you were well off before we got married?”-“I was”, said the man, “but I just didn’t know how well off I was!”

You have perhaps heard the story of an elderly man who was quite ill who said to his wife, "You know, Sarah, you've always been with me - through the good and through the bad. Like the time I lost my job - you were right there by my side. And the war came, and I enlisted - you became a nurse so you could be with me. Then I was wounded, and you were there, Sarah, right by my side. Then the Depression hit, and we had nothing - but you were there with me. When our son got into trouble and we didn't know what to do, once again you were right there by my side. And now, here I am, sick as a dog, and as always, you're right here beside me. You know, Sarah, you're bad luck!

To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong admit it, whenever you’re right shut up - Ogden Nash

Lady who served her husband with fine china said, “The most special person in my life is my husband. I would never save my beautiful silverware for an occasional visitor when my husband is the king of this house”

Lady said, “I will keep myself beautiful so that my husband never looks at another woman”. It takes more. Just because you’re beautiful doesn’t make another woman ugly

In marriage character is more important than chemistry

Lasting marriages are God-ordained and God-sustained

EVE in Hebrew is haya or awwa - meaning life or living. A man’s wife is to be his life

Peter, Paul and Marriage

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." (Alan, age 10)
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with (Kirsten, age 10)
Married people usually look happy to talk to other people (Eddie, age 6)
One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me (Bart, age 9)

We marry the contents, not the container - TD Jakes

Marriage a rite where two people, under the influence most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal and exhausting condition until death do them part

Marriage occurs when a man gets hooked by his own line

The middle years of marriage are the most crucial. In the early years, spouses want each other and in late years, they need each other - Rebecca Tilly

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married - Katherine Hepburn

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him - Cher

One man's folly is another man's wife - Helen Rowland

Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near - Helen Rowland

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience - Oscar Wilde

In 1 Kings 7:3 the same word translated “rib” in Adam’s account is translated “pillar”. The wife is really the man’s pillar

Lady praying in the woods for a husband. A hoot owl sounded, “Hoo, hoo, hoo”. The lady answered, “Lord, anyone, anyone, anyone!”

Lady went to fortune teller to find answer about whether she will ever get married. The psychic said you’ll have three proposals in the coming year. She said, “I will not, ‘cause I’m accepting the first one”

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and after marriage keep them half shut - Ben Franklin

When a girl marries she exchanges the attention of many men for the inattention of one man - Helen Rowland

Honeymoon is that period of time between “I do” and “You’d better!”

Married couples have grown together and groaned together

The Lord spoke to Larry Lea, “What makes you think I want to entrust My Bride to you when you won’t even take care of your own?”

Boudreaux and his wife were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. Boudreaux picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The wife said, "Who was that?" Boudreaux answered, "I don't know, some man wanting to know if the coast is clear."

Daughter rushed home to her father, “Dad, Bill asked me to marry him”. Dad replied, “How much money does he make?” Daughter answered, “You men are all alike. He asked the same thing about you”

To the men, as head we lead, as husband we love

It’s hard to kiss the lips at night that have been chewing your butt out all day!

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once - E. Joseph Cossman

Ad in newspaper - “Encyclopedia Britannica for sale, never used, wife knows it all”

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses

You're wanting Me to entrust My Bride to you and you can't even take care of your own?

MATERIALISM

The kingdom of thing-dom

The best things in life aren't things - Art Buchwald

You’ll never see a U-Haul-it following a hearse to the cemetery - Billy Graham

Looking to money for happiness is like looking in a dog house for wool, looking in a sewer for drinking water, looking in an ash heap for diamonds, looking in an ice chest for warmth, looking in a desert for seafood, looking in a rescue mission for a bank loan, looking in a mortuary for life, looking in a garbage can for caviar - R.G. Lee

The demon in money is greed, the demon in sex is lust, the demon in food is gluttony, the demon in alcohol is drunkenness

Jesus spoke 37 parables; 17 of them dealt with money and possessions

There are prisoners of property, men possessed by their possessions. Their house doesn’t belong to them; they belong to their house. The things they own, own them

MEDIOCRITY

Man went to fortune teller at carnival who read his palm. “I see many things in your future.” “Like what?” the man asked. “You will be poor and unhappy until you are forty-five”. “Then what?” he asked rather dejectedly. “You will get used to it”

Blessed is he who expects nothing for he shall receive it - Ben Franklin

Average is considered outstanding to average people, but it actually is a mixture of the best with the worst

There is an enemy called Average - John Mason

Mediocrity is a region bounded on the North by indecision, the South by compromise, the East by negative thinking and the West by lack of vision

Do you dwell in the tight corner of the minimum or the in the broad open field of the maximum?

Are you content to wade and paddle where you could surf and swim?

The tendency of the masses is toward mediocrity - Aldous Huxley

MEEKNESS

A great man shows his greatness by how he treats the little man - Thomas Carlyle

Leave the K out of meek (which stands for kind) all that is left is M-E-E

MEMORY

Man and wife wondering why there was a charge on their MasterCard bill from some 800 number in New Jersey - they called to complain. Person on the phone said the charge was for Mega Memory tapes

Memories are a permanent part of our lives, that’s why you need to build enough good memories to create a coating around the sharp-edged shrapnel of the past

The memory is a wonderful treasure chest if you know how to pack it

A short pencil is better than a long memory - Mike Murdock

God gave us memories that we might have roses in December - James Barrie

I have a photographic memory but don’t always put the film in

Memory peoples the present with faces from the past. It walks through the silent city of the bygones. It is an angel of resurrection that can say “Lazarus, come forth!” to departed thought. Memory is the scribe of the soul, the cabinet of imagination, the registry of conscience - R.G. Lee

Researchers tell us that we remember 10 percent of what we hear, 50 percent of what we see, 70 percent of what we say, and 90 percent of what we hear, see, say and do

The memory is a treasurer to whom we must give funds, if we would draw the assistance we need - Rowe

MEN

Adam was stripped naked before his wife and before his God. These are the two essentials, transparency before our mate and before our Master

If you want a safer, more compliable animal, castrate him. But a gelding can’t reproduce life

If you give woman the power to validate your manhood you also give her the power to invalidate it. Men are men when men say they are men

If you never develop empathy for the little boy in me who is holding a blanket and sucking his thumb in a doorway, watching everyone leave, then you will never understand my erratic behavior as a man on the job, or in bed, or with my own sons and daughters - TD Jakes

My idea of a hero is someone who is soft enough to cry at his friend’s funeral but strong enough to call him from the grave! - TD Jakes

Boys will be boys and so will forty year-old men

Old enough to marry yet still a child (1 Kings 11:17)

When God measures the size of a man he puts the tape measure around his heart, not his head

MENTORING

Parasites want what is in your hand, protégés want what is in your heart. Parasites want what you have earned, protégés want what you have learned - Mike Murdock

Mentors eventually become tormenters so that we don’t hang on to them

Your best friend is comfortable with your past, your mentor is only comfortable with your future. Your friend is a cheerleader, your mentor is a coach - Mike Murdock

MIND

Memory replays the past. Intellect displays the present. Imagination pre-plays the future

Listening to tapes triggers the imagination

There are many mental jaybirds squawking raucously, labeling their chatter wisdom - R.G. Lee

You would shoot someone for walking through your door and dumping their garbage on your new carpet, but what about the people who dump mental garbage on your mind?

If you spent as much money on your mind as you do on your clothes you would be as smart as you look!

Einstein said it takes 11 correct inputs to counter one negative or incorrect input of the mind

Review, Renew, Re-cue

His head was pricked with the thorns of every issue that can ever torment your mind

The problem is not sentimental, temperamental or fundamental, it is just mental

If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body then only left-handed people are in their right minds

Minds are like parachutes, they only work when they are open

Neurotics are those who build castles in the sky, psychotics are those who move into them and psychiatrists are the ones who collect the rent

Mind is a ship at sea, and it needs a pilot - R.G. Lee

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined - Sam Goldwyn

We cannot imprison the mind in the brain. The mind is in every cell of our body and also extends into the whole universe - Deepak Chopra

God asks you to change your mind, that’s repentance. Change your mind and Christ will change your heart - Billy Graham

The pet seeks to get his head into the heavens. The logician seeks to get the heavens into his head, and then it splits - G.K. Chesterton

A well-cultivated mind is made up of all the minds of preceding ages - Fontenelle

Don't walk in my head with your dirty feet - Leo Bascaglia

Pick-pockets know the currency of the mind is not measured in dollars and cents, but in attention and focus.  A man displayed this by stealing a watch, handkerchief, cell phone, and wallet by focusing a person’s attention on pulling a silver spoon out of a pocket - Aaron Jeffers

MINISTRY

Ministry takes place when divine resources meet human need through loving channels to the glory of God - Warren Wiersbe

Most doctors have at one time been patients, and many of them are still being treated –-T.D. Jakes (so ministers of mercy are in need of mercy too)

Some ministries sizzle then fizzle. They go up like rockets then come down like rocks

We think God has called us to be manufacturers when He really called us to be distributors…multiplication took place in His hands; the distribution was the work of the disciples’ hands…we are to be channels of God’s resources, not reservoirs - Warren Wiersbe

There are ministers who are ordained yet ordinary, called yet cold, licensed yet licentious, talented yet timid, appointed but not anointed

From age 20-56 George Whitefield delivered over 30,000 sermons, preached 40-60 hours a week, crowds up to 40,000 without amplification. He preached in virtually every town in England, Scotland and Wales, and made 7 trips to north and South America in 18th Century transportation

The devil attacks the ministry in money, morals and motives. Someone else called it - gold, girls and glory

Wesley died at 88 after 53 years of ministry. He preached more than 50,000 sermons, going 5,000 miles a year on carriage and horseback. He wrote 233 books and pamphlets, reviewed everything of interest printed in Europe, pushing his 5’ 4” frame to the limit

Some ministers exist to minister others minister to exist. The one raises money to minister, the other ministers to raise money

Your assignment is geographical. Where you are is as important as what you are. You may be a beautiful whale, but you better be in the water - Mike Murdock

We are to guide, gird and guard

Hal Holbrook spent three and a half hours getting into Mark Twain’s makeup but spent thirteen years getting into Twain’s psyche. A Christian can prepare a talk about Christ in three and a half hours but it takes a lifetime to get into His psyche

We need minister who are not sinisters, believers who are not deceivers, laymen who are pray men, deacons who are beacons, preachers who are reachers, singers who are clingers

A pastor must see that if he is truly a man of God, revival is a fulfillment of all his dreams. To oppose revival is to spite everything he entered the ministry for - Mario Murillo

Our ministry tries to turn people into persons - Robert Schuller

MIRACLES

John Maxwell on the broken bread miracle - “When there is a need…sensed by a few…and each individual understands his responsibility…and gives his all regardless of the odds…then Jesus works a miracle”

A miracle is when God stops, speeds or swallows or supersedes a natural law

A coincidence is when God works a miracle and chooses to remain anonymous

The common denominator in every miracle in the Bible/ not prayer or faith, etc. but a need

5 + 2/ that’s an inventory of our shortcomings. He wants us to see what we don’t have so He can get all the glory when the miracle comes

We don’t want God to do miracles for us, we want Him to do magic

Most miracles occur in church, some after church. In Acts 3 a miracle occurred before church

The day of miracles cannot be over because the God of miracles is still very much alive

We need confirmation of our affirmation. It’s not enough to just affirm a belief in miracles, we must confirm our belief

Why do we recall the miracles but not repeat the miracles?

Today, instead of pray we refer - we refer needy people to specialists, psychiatrists, therapists and all other kinds of “professional help”. Is Christ not a professional? - then He must be an amateur. It’s time we take back our responsibility to work miracles in people’s lives

Expect miracles; make miracles happen - Norman Vincent Peale

Doctors are practicing. That’s why they call it a medical practice. But Jesus doesn’t practice, He performs!

Then there are those who specialize in a pathetic ministry with signs and blunders following

If miracles are only myths then I am myth-taken, myth-understood, myth-given, myth-led and simply myth-erable, because I believe them all - Vance Havner

The Gospel is the power of God “to them that believe” - it is believing that unlocks the power of this miracle-gospel

Christ commissioned His men to heal the sick - 1st the 12 (Mat 10), then the 70 (Luke 10), then all the church (Mark 16)

If God can’t do something with us then please let Him do something without us!

Before I tried to carry the river; now the river carries me - John Kilpatrick

After meeting Jesus, the man with his back on his bed left with his bed on his back

There is no “day of miracles”, only a God of miracles that is present in our day

Sometimes you have to do something ridiculous if you want to get something miraculous - Ron Webb

It is no violation of nature’s laws when, in answer to prayer, He who is above nature makes nature His servant, and causes nature to carry out His plans and purposes - E.M. Bounds

We’re not responsible to perform a miracle…we’re responsible to start a miracle with our seed - Rod Parsley

MISSIONS

William Carey read Edward’s “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God” and was stirred to his depths, then went to India. Charles Finney read it and it became the foundation for all his sermons

I will venture to go down, but remember that you must hold the ropes - William Carey

What an m-16 couldn’t do John 3:16 could

I have but one candle of life to burn, and I would rather burn it out in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with light - John Keith Falconer

If I had 1,000 lives, I'd give them all for China - Hudson Taylor

He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose - Jim Elliot

If a commission by an earthly king is considered an honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice? - David Livingstone

Some wish to live within the sound of a chapel bell; I wish to run a rescue mission within a yard of hell - C.T. Studd

No one has the right to hear the gospel twice, while there remains someone who has not heard it once - Oswald J. Smith

We talk of the Second Coming; half the world has never heard of the first - Oswald J. Smith

No reserves. No retreats. No regrets - William Borden

If ten men are carrying a log, nine of them on the little end and one at the heavy end, and you want to help, which end will you lift on? - William Borden (workers in America vs. the world)

When James Calvert went out as a missionary to the cannibals of the Fiji Islands, the ship captain tried to turn him back, saying, "You will lose your life and the lives of those with you if you go among such savages." To that, Calvert replied, "We died before we came here."

Someone asked Will the heathen who have never heard the Gospel be saved? It is more a question with me whether we who have the Gospel and fail to give it to those who have not, can be saved - Charles Spurgeon

The gospel is only good news if it gets there in time - Carl F. H. Henry

You can give without loving. But you cannot love without giving - Amy Carmichael, missionary to India

The mark of a great church is not its seating capacity, but its sending capacity - Mike Stachura

To know the will of God, we need an open Bible and an open map - William Carey

The best remedy for a sick church is to put it on a missionary diet - Unknown

The Church must send or the church will end - Mendell Taylor

Among America’s 250 million we have 350,000 Protestant clergy. That is 1 for every 700 Americans. Yet for 5.25 billion we have less than 50,000 missionaries, 1 for every 115,000 souls. For every 1000 American evangelicals we send out less than 1 missionary and that includes short-term workers.

American Evangelicals earn $700 billion, give $21 billion to church (3%) but only $20 million to reach unreached peoples (.0029%)

You need two things to make a missionary - a good sense of humor and a poor sense of smell

John Geddie was missionary to Antetum in the South Seas. After 24 years of tireless labor he died and on his tomb these words were chiseled - “When he came here there were no Christians. When he left there were no heathen”

The Africans buried David Livingstone’s heart by a tree then sent his body back to England. Africa is where his heart was - where his heart stayed

MOMENTUM

A rising tide lifts all boats - John F Kennedy

Paul Harvey noted that in 1951 there were only 300 recorded perfect 300 bowling games, whereas in 2002 there were 42,162 among about the same number of bowlers

Success requires first expending ten units of effort to produce one unit of results. Your momentum will then produce ten units of results with each unit of effort - Charles Givens

You can’t steer a ship that isn’t moving forward - John Maxwell

If you can’t make some heat get out of the kitchen - John Maxwell

It’s not enough to surf momentum, we must steer it

MONEY

The word CONDO has an obvious meaning - they CON you out of your DOUGH

To court a Christian for his financial contributions is as evil as to marry a man for his money - A.W. Tozer

In God We Trust...all others pay cash

Whose report will you believe? Most churches are bound by the treasurer’s report

When Commodore Vanderbilt, who was worth $200,000,000, died, he called in a minister and asked him to sing for him that old song Vanderbilt's mother used to sing in Moravia, "Come ye sinners, poor and needy!" Worth $200,000,000 and yet poor and needy when he came to his death. The next day one man told another Vanderbilt was dead. "How much did he leave?" asked the second man. He left it all - Billy Sunday

The debtor is servant to the lender. Every 30 days the lender yanks the chain and brings you to your knees in submission

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income - Errol Flynn

61% of today’s millionaires never inherited a dime. Only 8% inherited at least 50% of their wealth

When good things increase, those who consume them increase (Ecc 5:11). In other words, the more you make, the more you spend

Chicago sewer worker said, “I dig the ditch to get the money to buy the food to get the strength to dig the ditch”

Compounded interest “the eighth wonder of the world” - John Rockefeller

The best time to plant an oak tree is twenty years ago. The next best time is now - David Chilton

If money would make you backslide the devil would double your salary every week - Mike Murdock

Money is the result of problems solved. I pay a housecleaner $10 an hour, I pay my attorney $100 an hour. People aren’t paid for how hard they work. They are paid for the problem they solve - Mike Murdock

What Judas took from the bag was nothing compared to what the bag took from Judas

If the Lord can take care of the cash I can take care of the criticism

“We Florentines”, said one of George Eliot’s characters, “live scrupulously that we may spend splendidly”

Money may not make you happy but debt will certainly make you unhappy

Money doesn’t change men, it merely unmasks them. If a man is naturally selfish or arrogant or greedy, the money brings it out; that’s all - Henry Ford

Younger years LEARN IT, middle years EARN IT, latter years RETURN IT!

The rich invest their money and spend what’s left; the poor spend their money and invest what’s left - John Maxwell (Nothing is left, right?)

We were so poor that Mom would put me and my brother back to back in one diaper just to make ends meet

Money talks - it says Goodbye

Whatever you earn; spend less - Samuel Johnson

Only 2% of inherited wealth ever increases - The Millionaire Next Door

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments - Flip Wilson

The darkest hour in any man’s life is when he sits down to plan how to get money without earning it - Horace Greeley

If your outgo exceeds your income then your upkeep will be your downfall - Darrell Friend

Why is it that we spend money we don’t have on things we don’t need to impress people we don’t like?

You need to purge the urge to splurge

Another word for budget could be your financial MAP - Money Allocation Plan

One lady was poor. Welfare told her she was needy then changed the rhetoric to deprived then underprivileged, then disadvantaged, then a displaced worker. After all was said and done she claimed, “I’m still poor but I’ve got a lot better vocabulary”

I heard of the college student who wrote home to his father with this little note. It said, “Dear Dad: no mon, no fun, your son”. To which the father wrote back, “Dear son: so sad, too bad, your Dad”

The first step to curing the cancer of debt is through plastic surgery - cut up all your plastic charge cards and start saving for what you want to buy

Then there’s the guy who said his wife was the head of the cavalry. Every time she entered a store at the mall she would holler, “Charge!” Another guy said that he had a “middle of the road” spending philosophy. He just spent money right and left

It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose your own - Harry Truman

Paul didn’t say that the Lord would supply all our greeds but all our “needs according to his riches in glory”

There is a difference between the necessities of life and the niceties of life. Most people’s problem is not from the high cost of living but from the cost of living high

Jesus gave us 37 parables and of that number 17 dealt almost exclusively with money and possessions

Running into debt isn’t all that bad; running into creditors is

As the demon in alcohol is drunkenness, the demon in sex is lust, and the demon in power is pride, so the demon in money, if there is one, would have to be greed. It’s not money that is the root of all evil, but the “love of money”.

Where God guides God provides. What He appoints He anoints. Where there is vision there is also provision. “Pro” means for so provision is for-vision. God is for my vision

There are now 1 million millionaires in America. That is 1 in every 260 Americans or around 1 of every 150 adults. More millionaires are salesmen than doctors

Money never starts an idea; it is the idea that starts the money - W. J. Cameron

Before you speak, listen. Before you write, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you invest, investigate. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try. Before you retire, save. Before you die, give - William Ward

A man with a million dollars is as well off as if he were rich - multi-millionaire John Jacob Astor III

Economists have predicted 19 of the last 2 recessions

Roger Hedgecock says that Congressmen are addicted to OPM - Other People’s Money

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved much money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.” And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of his money in the casket with him. He even got her to sign a paper to that effect. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertaker got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a minute!” She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertaker locked the casket and they rolled it away. So her friend said, “I saw the size of that box. I know you weren’t fool enough to put all of his money in there with him.” The loyal wife replied, “Oh, yes, I did. Listen, I am a Christian and I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in the casket with him, and I did. I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it.”

Most people’s problem is not the high cost of living but the cost of living high

Money is not the answer for money problems, lifestyle is - Dr. Phil McGraw

It is not in my interest to pay the principal nor is it in my principle to pay the interest

Every crowd has a silver lining - P.T. Barnum

Dug from the mountainside, washed in the glen,
Servant am I, or the master of men,
Steal me, I curse you - earn me, I bless you,
Grasp me and hound me, a fiend shall possess you,
Lie for me, die for me - covet me, take me,
Angel or devil, I am what you make me (silver and gold)

We spend money we don’t have on things we don’t need to impress people we don’t like

We speak of money that came from an “unexpected source”. Not so, there is only one Source, God, which is always expected. Instead, it came from an unexpected channel - Keith Moore

Egypt was the land of lack, the Wilderness was the land of obedience, and Canaan was the land of abundance. Or, the land of never enough, just enough and more than enough

Paper is poverty...it is only the ghost of money, and not money itself - Thomas Jefferson

The miser says coins are flat that they may rest; and the spendthrift says they are round that they may roll - G. Campbell Morgan

Mary loves Jesus more than the money; Judas loved the money more than Jesus

There are no pockets in a shroud - Spanish Proverb

Money is like seawater, the more a man drinks the thirstier he becomes

MORALITY

To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a danger to society - Theodore Roosevelt

Causes of violence: Wealth without work. Pleasure without conscience. Knowledge without character. Commerce without morality. Science without humanity. Worship without sacrifice. Politics without principles - Mahatma Gandhi

MORNING

Get up worshiping Jesus and you won’t get up on the wrong side of the bed

Some people wake up and say “Good morning, Lord”, others say, “Good Lord, morning?”

The first hour of the morning is the rudder for the rest of the day. Stretch your body when you get out of bed then stretch your mind and your spirit

Did you wake up grumpy? “No, I let him stay asleep”

MOTIVATION

Two guys in the woods meet a giant bear. They stand frozen - one says to the other, “What are we going to do?” “We are going to run”. “But we can’t outrun that bear”. “I know. I don’t have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you”.

Bear Bryant was ahead by 6 points in closing minutes of game. He told his QB to run simple running plays to not lose the ball. He called the play, but the split end said, “Don’t run that play. That’s what they are expecting”. So he passed to the end, the defense’s fastest back intercepted and ran for the end zone. The QB ran faster and caught him from behind saving the game. Bryant said to the opposing coach - “Your man was running for a touchdown, mine was running for his life”

People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing that's why we recommend it daily - Zig Ziglar

A psychologist offered a logger double pay to strike would with the blunt end of his axe. He quit after half a day because there were no chips flying. This proves the human spirit demands a sense of productivity

If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I think that much of the advice given to young men about saving money is wrong. I never saved a cent until I was forty years old. I invested in myself - in study, in mastering my tools, in preparation. Many a man who is putting a few dollars a week into the bank would do much better to put it into himself - Henry Ford

If you have enough push, you don't have to worry about the pull - Zig Ziglar

The world is moved along not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker - Helen Keller

“Give me one good reason why I should go to that church. Those people don’t like me”. Woman, answers, “I’ll give you three good reasons. Number one, you are supposed to go to church. Two, you are 43 years old and three, you are the pastor”

Which would you rather be, a miserable, successful motivator, or a happy, motivated flop? The motivator that can motivate everybody but himself may win the world but he’ll never enjoy it - Harvey MacKay

A medical article in 1954 said the human body could not stand up to a less than four minute mile. That year Roger Bannister broke that barrier and in the next two years 213 others followed suit

If you want to percolate you have to circulate

I don't do drugs. I am drugs - Salvador Dali

Too many people are like wheelbarrows, trailers or canoes. They need to be pushed, pulled or paddled - John Mason

MOTHERS

The phrase "working mother" is redundant - Jane Sellman

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new - Rajneesh

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy

Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease - Lisa Alther

God could not be everywhere so he created mothers - Jewish Proverb

At a family reunion G. Campbell Morgan’s four sons were asked which Morgan was the greatest preacher. Looking at Dad, one said, “Mother”

MUSIC

Country music is white folks’ blues

Musicians that play by ear need to know that we listen by ear too

He had Van Gogh’s ear for music

There is joy in heaven over one singer who repents

Rock stars look like Tarzan, dress like Jane and smell like Cheetah

I have been requested to sing “on a hill far away...”

When you play country music backwards you get your house back, job back, wife back and your dog comes home

The 7-Eleven Corporation had a real problem with teenagers hanging out in their parking lot at all hours of the day and night. The kids were noisy and they left all kinds of trash out in the parking lot. Various tactics were tried to get them to find another hang-out, but nothing worked. Finally, one man, Ron Conlin, came up with an idea to run off the teenagers. He suggested that all the stores start piping easy-listening music into the parking lots of all his district 7-Eleven's. Immediately, the teenagers stopped hanging around. [New York Times News Service]

Secular music, do you say, belongs to the devil? Does it? Well, if it did I would plunder him for it, for he has no right to a single note of the whole seven - William Booth

Writing music takes more talent but writing lyrics takes more courage - Johnny Mercer

Select topics
by letter...

Attitude, Hope, Success, Zeal, etc

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

X

Y

Z

 

 

 
home          privacy          contact
copyright © kris jackson ministries 2009